And so did a cry of lamentation arise from the multitudes unto Bernanke: Spare us, Oh Lord, from the wrath of subprime.
From the House of Countrywide wailing was heard, from the land of Dodd and Schumer there was gnashing of polls, and from the Kingdoms of Bear, Lehman and Cramer the rending of fine Italian garments: Set your righteous hand, glorious and merciful Fed, against our enemies among the rating agencies, the risk-averse and short-sellers. In your power and majesty, you need only say the word and interest rates shall fall, liquidity like manna shall descend from the skies, and easy credit shall flow once again across the parched and barren land.
Back in 1998, I wrote a similar ode to Greenspan:
O Greenspan my Savior and my Master, I, Thine profitable shareholding servant, with fear and trembling give thanks unto Thy loving goodness for all Thy liquidity Thou hast poured so abundantly upon me, Thy servant. I fall down in adoration before Thee and Thy brethren of the FOMC and offer thee my praises; with fervor I cry to Thee to keep thy monetary spigot wide. O Greenspan, deliver me henceforth from all market adversities and mercifully fulfill in me all the desires of my portfolio. Hear me, I entreat Thee, and have mercy, for Thou art the sole hope of shareholders in the four corners of Thine Earth, and unto Thee be ascribed glory, now and ever, and unto the ages of ages. Amen.